


Emotional Security

by thoughtful_constellations



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Fighting bad guys, First Time, Flirting, M/M, Making Out, Massage, Sexual Tension, realizing you're in love with your best friend, spirk, telepathic bonding, uhura and jim being good friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-05 21:11:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtful_constellations/pseuds/thoughtful_constellations
Summary: Jim comes to the realization that he has feelings for Spock after his life is threatened.





	1. Chapter 1

All was quiet on the bridge, the crew immersed in their work. The only sounds were the calculating beeps of the computer systems, the sharp clicks of buttons being pressed, and the consistent thrum of the engines, all converging into a single melody. 

James Kirk sat contemplating in his sleek silver chair, chin resting on his palm, legs crossed, free hand skimming the control buttons absentmindedly. He observed each crew member; the concentrated looks on their faces and efficient movements. Together they ran as smoothly as the engines of the ship herself.

His eyes fell on his first officer, as they often did, bent over his station. His gaze turned softer, calmer, with the secure feeling that Spock's constant presence brought him. They'd become closer than Jim could have hoped for with a first officer, their minds as synced in the heat of high-staked missions as they were in playful conversation over dinner in the mess hall. Jim relied on him, and his needs were always met. 

Spock, finishing his study, straightened and linked eyes with his Captain. Jim smiled at him with genuine admiration, nodding his head. In Spock's eyes, he saw...amusement? Confusion? A very human gleam, whatever the sentiment, exposing a side of Spock that Jim adored, despite Spock's reluctance to acknowledge it. They held gazes for a moment longer before Spock slightly bowed his head in return and turned to pick up a padd. 

As Jim swiveled his chair back around, he caught Uhura staring at him, an odd look on her face. At his confused glance, she simply shrugged, shook her head, and turned, smiling to herself. Jim frowned and faced the viewscreen. _What was that all about?_

"15 minutes until we are within range of Tekon IV, Captain." Sulu's voice broke through the hum of the bridge's ambiance. 

"Very good, Mr. Sulu. Continue on present course."

They'd been sent by Starfleet command on a mission to discuss an alliance with the planet. The Teshians living on the surface desired a trading port on Starbase 35 to improve their planet's small economy. 

As the planet came into view, the swirling purple and pink clouds swarming together and forming thin bands on the surface became prominent. The atmosphere created a faint magenta glow around the planet's surface. 

"Oh, it's beautiful," Uhura said softly. 

"Open communications to the Teshian ambassador, Miss Uhura."

The screen before them changed to show a humanoid being with a stocky build and bright turquoise skin that shimmered iridescently beneath artificial lights. The expression on his flat face was unreadable, mouth a thin line. He raised two of his four arms and clapped twice, two sharp waves of sound penetrating the ship's speakers. The Teshian greeting. 

Kirk mimicked his actions, feeling a bit silly. 

"Captain Kirk. We thank you for coming; our government looks forward to negotiations with the Federation." He had a voice like glass, the opposite of what one would expect from the harsh angles that made up his form. 

"As are we, Ambassador Naron. When should I beam down with my men?"

"Immediately. The coordinates are being transmitted now."

"Very good." Kirk began to stand. 

"And Captain," Naron said, "be careful not to bring armed guards. It will offend the reception committee."

"I...see," Kirk said, frowning. "We'll be down shortly."

The screen went black with no further words. 

Kirk turned to his First Officer. "Mr. Spock, with me, please. "

Spock followed him into the turbolift. 

"I suppose we'll just bring one man with us, it shouldn't be too offensive," he said, as the doors swiped shut and a hum filled the small space. 

"Are you quite sure, Captain?"

"Well, you know," he gestured with a hand as the lift opened, "protocol. Can't be helped."

They made their way to the transporter room, heels clicking perfectly in step. Kirk comm'd security to send up an ensign for the landing party. Diplomatic missions were always good experience builders for the younger officers. 

The ensign met them not long after they arrived, red shirt appearing through the doorway. He saluted Kirk. 

"Ensign Louis Harley reporting, Captain."

Kirk nodded at him. "Is this your first mission, Harley?"

"Second, sir."

"Shouldn't be too hectic...Alright, Scotty," he said, looking to his chief engineer, "the Teshian Ambassador is waiting." He stepped up onto the platform, Spock and Harley following. 

"Inputting coordinates," Scott said, "Energizing."

The transporter whirred to life, a high-frequency buzz filling the air. The ship began to disappear. In front of them materialized a wide room, with shining blue walls and a clinical atmosphere. Three Teshians stood ready to meet them, and they all clapped in greeting simultaneously. Something in their eyes made Kirk uneasy, but he wrote it off. They weren't human, he was just imagining the harsh look to their gazes. 

They all stepped down from the platform, Kirk opening his mouth to speak. The forefront Teshian, whose skin gleamed a vibrant orange, raised her upper right arm, pointing one of her three fingers behind Kirk. 

"What purpose serves your armed man?" She questioned, mount tight. "You distrust our loyalty?"

"Of course not," Kirk said, raising his arms in defense and stepping closer to Harley, "We merely bring him as security for any incidents that--"

"You accuse us of treachery!" 

Kirk winced internally. Wrong choice of words. 

The two men behind her let low rumbles from their chests. Out of his peripheral, Kirk saw Spock tense, hand inching towards his phaser. 

The Vulcan spoke, "What the Captain means by 'security,' is not from acts of violence, but diplomatic security. Ensign Harley is here to participate in the negotiations."

"Now you give us lies with your insults! Naron informed us of the rank color on your ships. What use would a guard serve for anything other than an attack?" She barkers orders in her language to the men behind her, words comprised mainly of vowels that flowed smoothly, despite the anger behind them. 

For a split second, Kirk wondered why the Ambassador had specifically informed them of Starfleet's ranking system onboard a Constitution-class vessel. Something was wrong, his brain told him, but now was not the right time to speculate. 

The Teshians moved forward, one rushing against Kirk to enclose a hand on his wrist and two arms around his torso, taking his phaser with the fourth. He saw the female grappling with Spock before a sudden, echoing blast filled the room and wrenched his attention to the sight of Harley dropping to the floor with a cry. 

"No!" Kirk yelled, eyes widening in horror. "Why would you do that! It wasn't his fault, you had no--"

There was a sharp pain on the back of his head. Spock's startled yell and the quickly approaching ground were the last things he perceived before blacking out. 

* * *

A faint humming sound. An ache in his skull. A soft pressure on his calf. 

Kirk opened his eyes to a pair of Starfleet issue boots before his face. He could barely see in the dim light. He blinked until the lines of his feet became clear-- but no, those couldn't possibly be his feet. That was anatomically incorrect. Plus, they were longer than his, connected to a long pair of legs stretched out from the base of a blue torso. 

He focused on the feeling of a hand on his calf. Spock. Spock's feet in front of him, and Spock's hand on his leg. Spock, whom he'd taken with him on the landing party. 

Kirk groaned as his brain rebooted and everything rushed back into his head. He slowly pushed himself off of the hard flooring and looked around. Spock leaned against the wall across from where Kirk sat, looking at him with searching eyes. The room was dimly lit by a blue force field in the doorway. The glow illuminated the long slope of Spock's face and nose, his mouth opening. 

"Captain, you are awake. What is the condition of your head?"

Kirk noticed that his hand had slipped from his leg. A hand that hand been placed their to comfort? Was it to comfort Jim, or Spock? He had no way to know. 

"I...I'm fine, Spock. How long was I out?"

"Two hours, forty-three minutes, and twenty-seven seconds."

"Wonderful..." He muttered, scrubbing at his face. "I wish I knew what the hell was going on here...All of this was uncalled for. Harley..."

"Captain, do not trouble yourself with that which you cannot reverse. As for their motives... I do not think that the Ambassador was truthful of the intentions of the Teshian government."

"No kidding...but what reason do they have for locking us up?"

"Perhaps to use our lives as leverage for dealings with the Federation."

"Of course. They had no need for an ensign, in that case...Damn it."

Kirk moved to sit against the wall. When the light shifted on Spock's face, he caught sight of a split lip and green bruises on his cheek and forehead. He started. 

"Spock, your face."

His friend shifted from the light. 

"It is unimportant, Captain. The Teshian guards had trouble apprehending me, and injuries were sustained on both sides."

"I think you just gave me the Vulcan form of 'you should see the other guy,' Mister Spock," Kirk chuckled quietly, leaning back into the wall and clapping him on the leg. Spock raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"I do not understand the phrase," he replied. 

"Oh, I'm sure."

* * *

Spock tensed beside him at the pounding footsteps approaching their cell. Kirk straightened from the position he'd been reclining in. They'd been shooting ideas for escape back and forth for hours, and he hoped now might be their chance to disarm whoever came in. 

The forcefield dematerialized, Ambassador Naron and 4 Teshian guards stepping through before the humming field sprang back to life. Naron regarded them with a cool, smug gaze. 

"Captain. Mr. Spock. How are you enjoying your stay on Tekon IV?"

"Naron," Kirk growled, getting to his feet, "you better give me a damned good explanation of what's going on."

"Well, _Captain..._ " He mocked, "Our deal for an alliance treaty with the Federation isn't exactly enough to meet the needs of our great nation. 

We've been at odds with our neighboring planet, Cetak, for many years. Our people have recently been calling for war. I'm sure with the Federation's messy history, you know how expensive war can be. We don't have the resources to support an extended conflict. That's where you come in."

"The Federation doesn't take sides in conflicts between worlds outside of their jurisdiction, Naron. I don't even have the authority to make this kind of agreement with you. Even if I could, how am I supposed to trust any negotiations with you when you've just killed one of my crewmembers on sight and locked us up with no provocation?" Kirk's tone was agitated, "Keep us in here as long as you please; I'm not making deals with you."

"I think you're going to reconsider that very quickly." He nodded to his men. Before Kirk or Spock could act, there were two Teshians restraining Spock, and one pressing Kirk against a wall. 

"Naron, stop this!" Kirk spat. He was ignored. 

The unoccupied Teshian delivered a harsh blow to Spock's gut, and he doubled over. Kirk fought wildly against the man holding him. 

"Spock!" 

"Captain, do not give in to their demands. I have the capacity to handle this." Spock's voice was strained, but steady, and he righted himself. His face was neutral, but Kirk saw his lips drawn tight and knew he was in pain. 

The Teshian struck his face this time, his already split lip worsened by the hit. Kirk yelled. 

"His Vulcan strength may be able to stand a beating, but tell me..." Naron pulled a laser gun from his side and pressed it to Spock's forehead, looking Kirk in the eyes. "Can he stand a shot through his skull?"

Kirk's mind raced, he could barely see the men around him. All he could focus on was Spock's hard-set expression and the sleek surface of the nozzle against his skin. 

"Let him go. Now. I...will try to persuade Starfleet to give you what you want."

Naron lowered the gun, smirking. 

"How compliant of you. Drop him."

The men hit Spock again in the chest; there was a loud crack and he slumped to the floor with a thud. Kirk ground his teeth.

"I will have to...speak to the admiralty," he said slowly. It was hard to breathe, he was so angry. 

"Later," Naron said, turning to the exit. "I must notify them of your capture first."

He left, guards dropping Kirk and following. He clenched his fists, watching them leave. 

"Captain...Starfleet will not agree to their terms. They will contact the _Enterprise_...send a security team." Spock's voice was rough, breathing shallow. 

Kirk turned towards him. "Yes. Yes, of course, you're right, Spock. He knelt next to him, gingerly putting a hand on Spock's shoulder. He frowned as he inspected Spock's injuries. 

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "how bad are they?"

"My left rib is fractured, but I assure you I am functioning adequately. Please desist in your worrying." His words came out slower than was normal. 

Kirk let out a sigh, dropping to sit next to him, their shoulders touching. He gripped Spock's wrist. 

"I know." He looked into Spock's eyes, studying the lines of his face. 

_I almost lost him._

"We're going to get out of this. We always do." Spock didn't need to hear him say that, Kirk knew, but it helped Kirk to say it aloud anyway. 

"Thank you, Jim," Spock said quietly. His eyes fell closed and he leaned his head back into the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim's light sleep was wrenched away by the sound of sirens echoing through the facility. His head jerked upright from where he'd been leaning against Spock. 

"What the hell..?" He looked at Spock, who merely gave him a bleary look of confusion in return. 'Adequately functioning,' Jim's ass. 

He sprang up and moved to the field, pressing his hands against it and trying to see down the hall. He could hear voices and feet. 

"Hang on just a moment..." Through the din, the words being shouted turned into one repeating phrase. 

"CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN KIRK!" Kirk's face broke into a smile. 

"I don't believe it. I think that's Scotty, Mr. Spock."

"It appears so, Captain."

"Scotty! Over here, this way!"

The running got louder, and outside of the doorway appeared Sulu and Scotty, who was short of breath. Two redshirts were in tow behind them.

"Captain! Ya don't know how long it took us to find ya!" He had to shout to be heard over the blaring alarms. 

"You hadn't checked in with the _Enterprise_ in hours, so we beamed down with a security team," Sulu said, and looked back down the hall. "We got split up, and there are still some Teshians following us, so we've got to hurry and get you out of there."

Scotty moved out of view to the computer panel on the wall. 

"Ah, this decryption'll be easy to crack. Just sit easy Captain, we'll have you out in no time."

Kirk moved back over to Spock, stooping to put an arm under his shoulder. 

"Let's get you up," he muttered, helping him stand. Spock didn't protest the help. Not a great sign. 

There was an excited shout from Mr. Scott, followed by the sound of the energy field powering down. "Got ya!"

"Good work, men. We need to go, Mr. Spock needs medical attention." 

Sulu gestured down the hall. "We have a beaming point set up, since the transporter room is swarming with Teshian guards."

"Lead the way, Mr. Sulu."

They all hurried off down the hall, which was comprised of unmarked doors. The sleeve of Spock's shirt slipped up where Kirk carried him, and his fingers made contact with Spock's bare skin. He was hit with a wave of dizziness that seemed to come out of nowhere and stumbled a bit, readjusting his grip on Spock's arm. Spock's weight and the adrenaline of escape much have gotten to him. 

After a few turns through the winding corridors, they came to a door that was cracked open just enough that it still appeared shut. 

"We've already busted the lock," Sulu said, "It's a supply closet." He nudged it open. "Everyone in."

One of the redshirts stayed behind to comm the others and wait for them to get to safety. Kirk helped Spock in after Scotty, followed by Sulu and the other guard. 

"Scott to _Enterprise_ ," Kirk heard, "five to beam up."

Kirk kept a firm grip on Spock as light began to swirl around them, telling himself it was because of the tight space. The _Enterprise_ began to appear around them. As soon as they solidified, Kirk turned to the nearest crewmember. 

"Tell Doctor McCoy to ready sickbay." He could hear the impatience in his voice, but Spock's pained breathing and pale face made it hard to control. Sulu rushed up to help them get down from the transporter pad, and together they walked Spock down to sickbay. 

* * *

Kirk was pacing the halls outside of sickbay, anxious for any updates on Spock's condition. He'd already checked in on Spock so many times that Bones had threatened to restrain him to a biobed of his own if he didn't give the medical team some space. Each time he'd peered into the operating room, Spock's eyes were shut as far as he could tell. 

A voice from behind made him jump. 

"Jim, for the love of God, quit your fussin'. I told you he's fine. His ribs are all patched up and those bruises were nothin' the protoplaser couldn't handle."

Kirk let out a sigh. "I know, Bones. I just want him to be safe."

Bones clapped him in the shoulder. "Come into my office, Jim. Let me get you a drink."

Jim followed him in and sat in the chair before his desk. He placed his hand under his chin and watched McCoy pour out two glasses of green-tinted liquid. His mind kept turning to the gun pointed at Spock, envisioning how his death would feel, what Jim would do without his friend. It wasn't the first time their lives had been threatened, of course, but something was bothering him now that hadn't in the past. Maybe it was how close they'd become in recent months, the lulling sense of Spock in Jim's head that kept him focused, kept him calm in the crises they'd faced. 

"What if I lost him, Bones?" His voice was quiet. The ring on McCoy's pinkie glinted as he set a glass near Jim's elbow. The clink echoed off of the pristine white walls around them. 

He fixed Jim with an expression that made him feel as though Bones knew something that he didn't and sighed, picking up his own glass. 

"Jim, you and I both know that damn stubborn Vulcan is gonna go out with way more drama than some greedy diplomat putting a gun to his mechanical brain." He took a sip. "Stop worrying yourself. You do more than a good job at keeping him alive." 

Jim grinned softly. "Bones, you always know what to say to cheer me up."

Bones just hummed in agreement. 

* * *

The doors to Spock's quarters swiped open to reveal him looking perfectly fine, not a hair out of place, his eyebrows lifted in surprise. 

"Captain." He nodded in greeting. 

"Spock? I just came over to see how you're healing." Jim flashed him a soft smile. 

Spock stepped back to let him in. "I am perfectly fine, Captain. Doctor McCoy gave me thorough treatment and my ribs are healed."

"That's good to hear." Jim still felt the need to help in some way, do something to show Spock that he appreciated him. His words rushed out before he really processed what he was saying. 

"Spock, you've had a rough day. Let me give you a massage?"

Spock blinked in surprise, and Jim inwardly kicked himself, realizing that was probably overstepping his Vulcan boundaries. 

"I...You need not trouble yourself with my weariness, Captain, I assure you that meditation is sufficient enough for relaxation and--"

Jim noticed that he hadn't turned him down outright, something Spock would definitely have done if he was uncomfortable. His lips quirked into a smiled. "It's not trouble, I want to do it for you. Let me help, I insist."

Spock's mouth was still open. He swallowed, and nodded. "Of course, Jim. Thank you."

Jim sat himself on the edge of Spock's bed, patting the spot next to him. "Anything." 

Spock lowered himself slowly next to Jim and faced away from him, posture straight. Jim placed his hands on his shoulders, being careful not to touch the skin on his neck. He moved his hands in slow, circular motion, kneading and rubbing the tension in his muscles. Spock began to relax beneath his fingers, and Jim heard him exhale in a long sigh through his nose. 

As Jim worked, he glanced around Spock's quarters, eyes falling on the chess set they played at for hours on long evenings when they both had time off. He had so many pleasant memories in this room. So many wonderful memories of Spock in general. If he lost Spock, he knew it wasn't just the efficient teamwork he'd miss. He'd miss Spock's company, his wit, his playful expressions, the way his lips formed into a frown when he was concentrating.

"You're my closest friend, Spock. I hope you know that." 

Spock was silent for a long while; Jim noticed the green coloring on his ears and the back of his neck. He noticed the firmness of Spock's shoulder and upper arm muscles. As calming as Spock's room was, Jim's face was feeling very warm. 

"I do, Jim." He could only just make out his words, as quietly as they were spoken. 

They sat in silence, and when Jim felt that Spock was thoroughly relaxed, he gave his shoulders one last squeeze and let his hands slide off. 

"That should do it," he chuckled, and stood. Spock followed him to the door. 

"Thank you, Jim," he said softly. His expression was completely at ease. 

"You're welcome, Spock. Good night." Jim noticed how the soft brown of his eyes looked in the glow from the hallway lights. He opened his mouth, lingering in the doorway as if to say something more, but stopped. He smiled and left.

Jim walked the short distance to his quarters in a daze. What the hell was that? As he got ready for bed, the image of Spock's eyes kept coming back to him. They were so gentle and doe-like and--Jim shook his head. 

He lay down, turning on his side to stare at the model ship on the bookshelf of the adjacent wall. He traced the lines of the mast with his eyes. Bones' expression when he talked about Spock kept coming back to him. The face Uhura made when she saw him staring at Spock on the bridge. He contemplated the rush of fear that went through him when Spock was beaten, the blind anger. He turned these thoughts over and over in his head, examining the pieces of their relationship as he would a game of chess. Closing his eyes, he pictured Spock's room clearly in his eyes, the smell of incense and tea and _Spock._ He began to drift off. 

A sudden spike of thoughts jolted him awake. His head felt like a radio frequency had just snapped on inside of it. He felt a rush of affection that was not his own; felt peace and fear and complete bewildering fascination for _Jim_ , like looking from a window into a dark room, looking at Jim sleeping on the cold Teshian cell, blurred vision watching Jim stumble through the halls holding Spock up, Jim appearing in the doorway of sickbay--then the images disappeared all at once. 

Jim sat straight up, looking around in the dark. 

"Computer, lights on."

He stared at his hands, touched both biceps, crossing his arms over his bare chest. He was in his room. In his body. What had he just seen..? He focused on the images. All of the memories...were from Spock's perspective. Had come _from_ Spock? It couldn't be. 

He looked towards the door of their shared bathroom. Vulcans _were_ telepaths... But they were touch telepaths. Spock wasn't touching him. 

_He's read minds without touching someone directly before,_ Jim thought, _through the wall._ Maybe Spock was transmitting thoughts to him by accident. Jim rubbed his chin, ran his fingers through his hair. The tender feelings that the visions brought with them... It was far too late at night to be making wishful assumptions. 

Jim fell asleep with the memory of Spock's hand on his calf in the Teshian cell swimming in his head.


	3. Chapter 3

From the next day forward, Jim spent way too much brainpower examining as many interactions between himself and Spock over the past three years as he could. He'd always written off the soft looks and gentle, frequent touches as close friendship, but everything was coming to a single conclusion: He'd been fooling himself, and he was in over his head.

He began to realize as he talked with Uhura about his problem that, to his dismay, the whole crew seemed to be aware of his feelings.

"What am I going to do," he groaned to Nyota. They sat in her quarters, sharing cups of coffee. 

"James, it's obvious to everyone else on the bridge, why shouldn't it be to Mr. Spock? He's certainly smart enough to put two and two together with the way you're always staring at him like that."

"Yes but these are _human_ signals, Nyota! He probably writes it off as...emotionalism," he grumbled, and took a disheartened sip of his coffee. "I doubt he feels the same, anyway."

"Jim, not only does he let you touch him as much as you please, he's always initiating right back. Brushing hands at his console and standing closer than can be considered friendly... I've studied Vulcan customs more than enough to know that he's certainly flirting with you."

Jim just stared at her, shock and hope written across his face. 

"You're serious."

Her responding laugh was like a bell. 

* * *

Jim was conflicted. He'd been on the bridge for over an hour, watching Spock out of the corner of his eyes. His long fingers gripping the console, the slope of his back bent over his station. Jim let out a long sigh through his nose. 

He wanted nothing more than to jump Spock right here on the bridge, tell him exactly how he felt, grip the tense muscles in his upper arms and kiss him senseless. However, being on the bridge reminded him of the rank between them. The importance of efficiency within command teams. Even Jim had set personal regulations for his own relationships; he had a duty to his ship, his career. He couldn't just violate their professional relationship for the sake of his _heart_. 

Plus, he knew he had a tendency to form infatuations for every pretty pair of eyes that caught his attention on the many planets he traversed. It'd been months since his last fling; was he just projecting his loneliness onto his closest friend?

No, something about Spock felt different. The feeling he got in his chest when Spock looked at him wasn't a mere infatuation; it was more akin to the love he'd shared with Ruth back at the academy, but stronger. Far more mature. Jim knew he had set restrictions on his love life for the sake of his captaincy, but when did that end? What happened when he was old, too old for command to consider putting him back out into space? He didn't much like the idea of being alone for the rest of his life. 

Jim pictured the future, and found that he couldn't imagine a life without Spock. There was no certainty in relationships, no way to know what the coming years would bring, but in the present, Spock was always there for Jim to rely on. He was patient and gentle and always had Jim's back. It was them against the world, and Jim couldn't imagine anyone else at his side. 

He knew that if he was going to pursue Spock, he had to be patient. They flirted, yes, but Jim wanted to form a stable relationship. He couldn't throw away the strongest bond he'd ever had over advances that came on too strong and scared Spock away. It would take small, romantic steps, working his way up.

* * *

Two weeks later, Jim found himself on the surface of an uninhabited planet full of rolling fields and dazzling wildflowers. Gentle breezes made the foliage tremble and sway under the bright pink sky. He surveyed the scene before him as the landing party strolled down down a slope in the ground, taking in the feel and smell of the air. 

His eyes turned to Spock, whose long, calculated strides tread through the grass a few feet in front of Jim. He tried to pass off his appreciation for the beauty of new worlds as scientific interest, but Jim could see in Spock's eyes that he perceived the world with as much wonder as Jim did. They may have come from different planets but in the sense of the world, Spock and Jim spoke the same language. 

As Spock knelt in the grass with a tricorder to examine the soil, Jim scanned the ground, searching. A pale blue cluster of flowers drew his attention and he stopped to retrieve a couple, then stepped over to Spock. 

He cleared his throat, and Spock looked up at him. Jim held out the bundle of flowers. 

"I thought you could analyze these." He flashed Spock a disarming grin from under his lashes. 

Spock took them from him, and their fingers brushed. Jim wondered what it would feel like to hold Spock's hand in his own. How those fingers would feel running across his chest. 

"Thank you, Captain." He set the tricorder down and turned them over in his palm. "The shape of their petals is as intriguing as everything else on the planet's surface." He looked directly into Jim's eyes, an eyebrow raised and the corners of his mouth upturned. Jim could have sworn he was flirting. His cheeks felt hot, and his smile grew. 

"I agree, Mister Spock." He didn't even try to contain the playful edge to his tone. He lowered himself into the grass, reclining next to Spock and reveling in how right it felt to just sit with him like this. His knee was barely brushing Spock's thigh. 

Bones came up behind them, hands on his waist. "You two are canoodling as usual, I see." 

"Who, us, Doctor? I'm just enjoying the beauty of the scenery in front of me."

Bones answered with a sarcastic grunt. Jim laughed as he watched his friend make his way off into the field. 

* * *

"Life systems 56% and dropping, Captain. If we are not located by the ship within 7 hours at minimum power usage, all systems will shut off."

"Damn. Try hailing the ship again."

"Our communications are not picking up and signals."

Jim rubbed at his temple. Spock had volunteered to accompany him in investigating the free-floating remains of what they suspected to be a Federation vessel they'd been notified to keep an eye out for. The ship had gone missing in this sector. The wreckage was too unstable to beam aboard, so they'd taken a shuttle out to get a closer look. Their systems were knocked out when they collided with a large piece of debris that sent them spiraling out of reach of the _Enterprise's_ scanning system. 

"Guess there's nothing we can do but wait and try to work on rebooting the system," Kirk sighed. 

"It appears so."

"What have we got in the emergency repairs kit? I need something to get this panel open," Kirk said, crouching as he stepped to the far wall and sat on the rough, carpeted floor. 

Spock popped open a compartment on the underside of the operating console and slid out a long container of alphabetically filed tools that was standard on every Starfleet shuttle. He flicked open the latches on the side with his thumbs and retrieved the correct instrument, passing it over to Jim. He didn't even have to reach far to get it there, the space of the shuttle was so small. Jim inwardly laughed with exasperation. Jim cooped up in close proximity with his first officer, nothing but them and the empty expanse of outer space--plus some wreckage. Not exactly what Jim imagined when he fantasized about being alone with Spock. 

He shook distracting thoughts from his head and focused on the task of working the metal surface from its holdings to get to the machinery beneath. It came lose with a snap that echoed through the cabin. He set the label off to the side and lay on his back, pushing under the space in the wall. 

"Can you hand me the soldering gun?"

He heard his voice bouncing back against the metal walls and Spock shuffling to sit next to where his legs protruded from the opening. Spock's slender fingers appeared before his face, the metal rod of the handle in his grasp. He took it and got to work reparing the wires in the energy system. 

"Spock, reach under here and hold this wire in place for me, would you? Unfortunately I don't have three hands, or I'd do it myself," he joked. 

"That much is obvious," Spock remarked in an undertone, peering into the small space and reaching an arm back to where Jim's hands were. His chin was inches from Jim's nose. 

"Got it." Jim wasn't sure why he felt the need to talk so low. 

Spock retreated from the wall, elbow brushing Jim's thigh when he moved back. Both of them were quiet for a long while as Jim worked. He was beginning to sweat in the heat of the machinery around him. 

He reached far back, feeling his shirt ride up over his stomach. He clearly heard Spock swallow and his fingers stilled. Taking a deep breath that he let out slowly, he resumed his work and tried to control the feelings rising in him at the tense atmosphere. 

"There we go. The power should be directing back into main life support now, but I don't think the engines can be fixed from the inside. We're still...well, floating ducks." Jim sat back up and immediately paused when he saw the look Spock was giving him, their proximity. 

"Communications...will probably come online when...when the ship is in range," he mumbled, trailing off. Spock was watching his mouth. 

Jim leaned closer a fraction of an inch. When Spock didn't pull back, he took a big leap off the deep end of every rule he'd set to maintain professionalism and pressed his mouth to Spock's. 

He felt a rush of sparks down his spine as Spock's fingers gathered in the sides of Jim's shirt and pulled him closer, he could feel Spock's firm torso pressing against his soft stomach. Kirk's fingers grasped at the small of Spock's back, all of his desire bubbling up and pooling in his stomach, forcing greedy sounds from his lips that were swallowed by Spock's mouth biting at his lip. Spock pulled away, leaving Jim panting as he moved to Jim's neck, kissing and mouthing at the sensitive skin. 

"Spock," Jim breathed, eyes fluttering closed. Spock cupped Jim's face in both hands, pressing loving kisses to his face. He ground his hips upwards and Jim gasped, diving back in to suck on Spock's lip. 

For a split second, the shuttle seemed to disappear around him. There was a vast, bright glow in every corner of his sight, though his eyes remained closed. He felt warm throughout his body and mind, envisioned a flash of red sand and hot sunlight. 

The vision dissolved as quickly as it had come as Spock broke the kiss, pulling back to stare at him with a look of complete wonder on his face. Jim was bewildered. 

He opened his mouth to speak at the same time Spock whispered, "Your mind..." There was unmasked emotion in his tone, questioning and amazed. 

"What do you--"

" _Enterprise_ to _Galileo_! Come in, _Galileo_!" The console crackled to life, starling them both. Out of all the time they had left for the ship to come into range, it had to be now.

Kirk groaned, dropping his forehead to Spock's shoulder. 

"Jim, we must reply."

"Yes, yes, I know." He stood reluctantly, flicking a button on the control panel. "Kirk to _Enterprise_."

He shot a look back at Spock, who was straightening his uniform. They'd have to continue this later.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim sat in his room, fiddling with a rock he'd collected on one of their missions. He'd never gotten the chance to speak with Spock one-on-one after the shuttle was retrieved. There had been debriefing, Bones had asked him to eat dinner together (that came with a lecture about 'how stupid it was for both commanding officers to go flying out into the middle of space to investigate God Knows What'). It was late now, and he contemplated going to Spock's quarters. 

It didn't take long for him to make up his mind. 

"Jim, come in." 

He stepped into Spock's room, waited for the door to shut before turning to face him. 

"About what happened earlier..."

"I apologize for my actions, Jim, I did not keep close enough control of my emotions and therefore allowed them to get the better of me." He seemed to look everywhere but directly at Jim, head bent as though he was ashamed.

"I allowed it, Spock. I enjoyed it." He took a step forward. 

"You are not angered by the intrusion into your mind? I did not intended to trespass over your mental boundaries, but I was comprised and failed to keep a strong hold on my telepathic abilities."

"I wanted to ask you about that, actually. I don't think it's the first time I've gotten visions from you."

"You have received emotional transference before? When?" 

"At night, in my quarters. After the mission on Tekon IV."

"Fascinating."

"Can you explain what happened? I'm curious." He took a seat in front of the chess board, crossing his legs. Spock sat opposite him. He seemed to be searching for the right words. 

"I admit, this is most unusual..."

"It hasn't happened to you before?"

"Not in the same manner, no. I have received emotional transference from crowded areas of humans before, but never in such intensity. And never have I projected my own thoughts unintentionally."

"What's causing this, then?"

He paused, ears flushing. He seemed to be very interested in the chess pieces before him. "Your mind is...extremely compatible, Jim." 

"What do you mean?"

Spock cleared his throat. "Bonds between Vulcan children are chosen by their parents, based on status," he said, "as mine was with T'Pring. However, bonds between adults are formed based on the compatibility of the couples' minds. They...call to each other, if you will."

"Like soulmates, then?" 

"The concepts are similar, yes."

"Are you saying that we're soulmates, Spock? We're bonded?" His chest felt light.

Spock's face was colored. "An official bond would not be formed without consent on both parts. But...our minds are compatible, yes, if either of us desired to bond with the other." 

"Do you desire to bond with me?" His heart fluttered, but he felt at ease, as though he'd never felt so sure of anything in his life. 

"I...I do not think you understand the implications of..." He stumbled, at a loss of words. 

Kirk stood, taking two steps to stand by the edge of his chair. He offered two fingers, in what Uhura told him was the Vulcan way of kissing; he'd questioned her after the mission involving Spock's parents, curious of the strange gesture.

"Spock. Do you want to bond with me?" It was more of an offer this time. 

Spock stared at his fingers. Slowly, he extended his own, brushing them gently against Jim's. 

"Yes," he murmured. 

If Jim had the right idea, this was as close to a marriage proposal as he'd ever gotten. This should have been more difficult--choosing to commit to someone was a risky choice when you had command of a starship on your plate. Enough responsibilities to last a lifetime without throwing marriage into the mix. But Jim never felt that Spock would keep him from fulfilling his potential as a captain; he did the opposite. He was an extension of every good quality that made up Jim's person, he enhanced the aspects of Jim's life that made it all worth it. Proposing to Spock was the easiest decision he'd ever made. 

Jim interlaced their fingers, leaning forwards to kiss him in the human fashion as well. Their mouths brushed together softly. The kiss was slow and gentle; the opposite of the rush of their first kiss, but it made him feel endless.

Spock rose from his chair, breaking apart from him only to wrap his arm around Jim's waist and pull him in close. Jim ran his thumb over the back of Spock's hand.

"I've been meaning to tell you," he mumbled against Spock's mouth.

"Hmm."

"I'm in love with you."

A small smile formed on Spock's face. "I feel that I have made it clear that I return your feelings," he replied. 

Jim kissed him again, stronger this time, running his fingers through Spock's perfect hair. 

He found himself being backed towards the bed, Spock climbing above him. There was something he liked about letting Spock press him into the mattress, undressing them both and pressing kisses to his neck and stomach and face. Jim was used to being in constant control, but he felt comfortable letting go with Spock.

Spock lowered himself onto Jim, slowly, lazily rolling their hips against each other. Their pace became faster, and Spock placed his hand between the both of them, touching them together. Jim's breathing came out in short gasps and he couldn't keep the faint smile off his face. Spock's expression was so endearing, as was the methodical way he guided Jim's legs apart and took him into his mouth. He had Jim clutching the sheets, squirming and cursing and begging for Spock to _just fuck him already._

Spock pulled back just before Jim could finish, smoothing his fingers through Jim's wavy hair before reaching to his bedside table for lube.

He positioned himself above Jim, then stopped, raising a hand to Jim's face.

"May I?" 

Jim was familiar with the way his fingers were aligned on his temple, and recognized that he was asking to meld with him. 

"Of course, anything," he breathed.

Spock whispered the words as he pushed into Jim, and the feeling was like nothing Jim had ever experienced. He felt everything Spock felt, the rushes of affection and want and _complete happiness,_ Spock's amazement at how Jim made him _feel_ , how his love spoke louder than any feelings of shame he had over his loss of stoicism. Rather than the real world and their minds being split into two sensations, they met as one and amplified the pleasure Jim felt from the slide of their skin and Spock pounding into him, an overwhelming rush of information that brought them both closer and closer until they were coming together, Spock crying his name and never sounding more beautiful.

Spock pulled out and collapsed next to him. Their minds stayed interlaced together, thoughts dancing around each other as slowly as their mouths met when Jim pressed a lazy kiss to Spock's lips. He nuzzled his face into Spock's neck, the cuddliness that always washed over him when he was totally spent taking over his brain. 

Their minds remained synced, though Spock's hand was no longer on Jim's face. Jim wondered at this, and Spock must have sensed his thoughts as he said, "We are bonded, now. Our minds are linked."

"So you'll always know what I'm thinking?" Jim mumbled into his skin.

"Yes, unless you choose to shield from me."

Jim thought about that. He projected all of his blissed-out, sleepy affection towards the calming sense of Spock's mind brushing against his.

_I love you._

Spock pressed a kiss to his temple. It was late, and sleep was beginning to take hold of both of them. 

_Ashayam._

Jim had never heard the word, but he knew what it meant. He smiled and fell asleep with the comfort of feeling Spock's mind and body curled around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read this and left kudos and comments! It always cheers me up to see people enjoying the things I've created. This is the longest work I've posted so far, and hopefully in the future I'll write bigger and better fics. 
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr! @agentianto :)


End file.
